Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
