I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
