I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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