Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
