Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize