Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
