The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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