is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize