Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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