I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
