im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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