Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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