So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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