I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
