he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
