Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
