The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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