i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
