I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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