DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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