Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize