When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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