dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize