I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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