after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
