Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize