before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
