there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
