worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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