took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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