On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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