in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
