He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have fence marks all over my body
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
