sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
