You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
