i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
