You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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