He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
