I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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