You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
