Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
