doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize