The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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