I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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