he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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