Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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