i just snorted my name. best moment ever
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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