i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
God, I missed his penis.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
