so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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