I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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