Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Randomize
