What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
