I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
