I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
