dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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