is your mom at the bar?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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