Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
40s are totally the cure
I just want to make out with him forever
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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