i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
