there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
