i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
