that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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