thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
