The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
